WHY are there no asses in the windows??

[estimations made due to long period of time since last post]
Bryan Adams: 4
Hot N' Cold: 5
Clarissa Coffee Count: 28

Curse Words of the Day:
6/3 : Nipple Chunk - a chunk of your nipple that gets cold; the part that becomes visible when nipples become cold.
6/4 : Diaper Fungus - pronunciation: dye-ah-per fuh-ng-gus; definition - baby brother got syphilis from Mom. "A baby with syphilis discharge."
6/5 : 'Gina Sniffer - one that enjoys the smell/scent/odor of fish
6/6 : Granny Monkey - monkey with a really crinkley cooch
6/7 : Scum Face - jizz. in. my. face.
6/8 : Pube Gobbler - one that tweezes out people's pubes and proceeds to gobble on pubes
6/9 : Cooch Wad - a tampon

SIGNIFICANT OCCURRENCES OF THE PAST WEEK:

Intrepid travellers escape from the swine flu!! Spokane, Washington... the beginning of the end. After yet another sterile, dry hotel, the girls finally feel BETTER, Jess stays awake for more than 2 hours consecutively, and the ladies decide to try to salvage their plans to visit Oregon before voyaging down to San Francisco. After changing plans 8734873984 times, contact is made with Australian friend Derek, who lives in Newport, OR. Girlcamp for one night on the Northern Oregon coast (goodbye hotels!) before trekking down Route 101 to the Marine Science center of Oregon State University. Clatskannkie = town off of Rt 101 im not even kidding that's its legit name. Thursday afternoon... arrive in Newport. See aussieboy, he takes us to a beach where we hike/ climb up a rock/ cliff above the ocean to watch a sunset. And... no sunset happens, but the rocks were cool! Huge slugs in Oregon... also lots of seaweed, as pointed out by australianboy/ marine biology enthusiast. Fell asleep to MI3 on the couches of Derek and roommates after a hilarious? humiliating? deceptive? game of Wii Golf. Jess is really good at playing with the clubs, to say the least.

Finally, Friday afternoon, after a tour of the Newport visitor's center aquarium and an exhilarating game of sand volleyball (we ROCK at vball bitchez), other australian friend Julia arrives in Newport and the group of 5 proceeds down to Ashland, OR to spend the night with third and final australian friend brittany. 3 intrepid travellers fall asleep on the (carpeted!) floor of Brittany while Derek makes steak? and other girls make guacamole. Ok...?

Wake up on Saturday morning and drive down into Northern CA to Jededededediah Smith State Park, home of some majorly large Redwood trees. The group of random australian friends/ random mother huckers camps under the trees. Swimming ensues for select members of the group, but more importantly, EVERYONE YODELS. Yodelleeeeeeeeeehiiiiiiiihooooooooooooo. The neighbors love it, but most importantly... best King's Cup rule ever.

Sunday morning... wake up swim, and then camp is packed up and the group heads further south down Rt 1o1 to find another campsite. We stopped in a Redwood forest filled with HUGELY enormous trees that we could climb over. Ballsy swears she found a tree that was itself featured in Return of the Jedi. Charley gets presented as a babeh cub to the Redwood Forest Nation. There are elk among the Redwoods. Elk, we saw them. Antlers and fur. We hiked through Fern Canyon... GO THERE. It was amazing! It's a maybe 100 ft tall canyon covered on both sides with green ferns, with a stream running through the middle. Many socks were soaked, but it was a great hike. Probably more than 1/2 mile... MAJOR workout. Night spend freezing, drinking more Coors Light from bottles in another Redwood grove with crazy Lion King 2 sweatshirt-wearing wine-drinking neighbors. Stories about testicles... uh... will never be forgotten. Thanks Derek?

Monday morning, the travellers wake up with San Francisco in their sights. Pack up camp, dishes done, we decide to cut over to I-5 on some mountainous road... NEVER TAKE MOUNTAINOUS ROADS. Construction out the ass, stopping about every 5 minutes. Suddenly, as we wind around the curves of little Rt. 299, Clarissa begins giggling uncontrollably from the backseat. Balls and Jess turn around, bewildered, wondering what could POSSIBLY be so funny after stopping so many times for the FUCKING construction work on this road. Well, everytime we go around a turn (this road is very windy, mind you), "It's like my bladder is pressing on my tickle spot!" Tickle spot. Squinty asian eyes... aaaaaaaaaahahahahaha my tickle spot my tickle spot giggle giggle laugh snort giggle. After a rousing game of guessing how old Balls's socks are... arrival in SAN FRAN. wooooooooooooowooowoooooo! Clarissa's family apt is gorgeous and overlooks basically all of the city, 360 degrees.

Tuesday... we discover the apt has alcohol from every single country in the entire world. Also, as we sit drinking individual pots of coffee on Fillmore Street, a young man walks by in a plaid skirt with both, that would be TWO, ass cheeks hanging out, jiggling along as he promenades down the sidewalk in front of us. Mouth agape... but alas, no reaction in time for a picture. Oops. Imaginations. After a visit to the also gorgeous Stanford University (no sightings of Melissa, of the same pod as Shamu, Dreads and Skunky), the girls return to the apt, beer, food, and one blockbuster membership in tow, and sit at... 413 your time writing you this blog update.

Swine flu, allergies, leeches, and PMS averted,

Jess, Balls, Clarissa via Casa Delgado. Poch tomorrow!