If you're going to San Francisco
be sure to stay
in an apartment full of booze
Bryan Adams: not many
Hot N' Cold: more than Bryan Adams
Clarissa Coffee count: .........in a week? at least.....69 (HAHAHAHAHA) [maturity]
June 9th - Curse Word of the Day: Cooch Wad
Definition: Bella from Twilight
Stuff we did: We slept in, hung out with Clarissa's aunt, then drove down to the Stanford. It was fun when we got lost, but it's okay. Eventually we found the campus and then walked around it and realized how it was very European looking - with creepy statues everywhere....no sightings, however, of Clarissa's Ultimate Goddess MELISSA THE ASIAN.
June 10th - Curse Word of the Day: Twat Wanker
Definition: A bitch in denial
Stuff we did: Wondered to downtown SanFran where we saw many hobos and interestingly dressed individuals and lots of Asians. We sat at Cafe Madeleine and had beverages and watched out the window and judged every person that walked by. Also watched a 2056 model of some sporty Mercedes get ticketed for not feeding the meter!! Hahaha suckers! Then we watched the owner come out with her tooly boyfriend and her fur coat and yell angerly at him like it was his fault. It was hilar. We walked home via biggest hills ever and all of us had heart attacks.
Arrival of POCH approximately 9:30pm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i.e. we/balls managed to stay sober enough to drive to the airport and pick her up!! YAY!
Quote: [Clarissa talking about running a marathon to the sweet singing of Mark McGrath (SugarRay idiots)] "Slipped, tripped, fell on your dick. I don't want to shag or anything." [WHAT THE FUCK?]
June 11th - Curse Word of the Day: Tampon Rammer
Definition: Edward Cullen
JESS'S HALF BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Stuff we did: Figured out the bus system of SanFran which runs on weird cable power and makes weird noises and made it down to Fisherman's Warf - for to see sea lions and tourists and ghirardelli (fuck why is that a real word it is impossible to spell) square. Jess impressed us all with her sea lion impressions. Balls drooled over a two story carousel. And we all got lice from the crazy hat store. Okay not really. We decided to have a fancy dinner and sit at the big huge round table in Casa Delgado and use the lazy susan to pass around the food and wine. The notes in Jess's notebook are currently getting scribbly-er and scribbly-er as each member of the group drank more and more wine. Conversation apparently moved from subjects such as religion, communism, socialism, world war, ethics, family histories, naturally all moving toward an hour long +++ conversation about Ultimate - During which Poch lectured most of the time and made animal analogies to the game.
Quotes: "It was just like watching a flock of birds fo after a Cheeto!" - Poch about practicing swing cuts/break cuts
"You're a fucking eagle getting that fucking salmon our of the lake! You SNATCH IT! And you only give it away if it is the BEST bear friend you've ever had and you will ever seeeeee." - Poch talking about catching the disc......Jess DEFinitely fucked up the transcribing of the quote.
June 12th - Curse Word of the Day: Slut Bucket
Definition: Audrey Siple
Stuff we did: Nothing....literally. We were really, really hung over. Watched youtube a lot and complained about a lot of things....
June 13th - Curse Word of teh Day: Jerk Plug
Definition: Govenor Blagoghevavich from Chicago with the bad hair.
Stuff we did: Woke up at a decent hour in the morning and dragged our asses into the car and drove across the Golden Gate Bridge which is - in fact - RED. What the hell, bullshit san francisco! We wanted golden phalluses all over that bitch. Anyways we walked halfway across and looked at the water and the boats and the asians taking pictures and the couple necking as they walked across the bridge. Hickeyyyysssss. Then we drove on to do a strenuous hike around the Muir Woods and beach. For to see more huge trees and take inappropriate pictures with them. Return to casa Delgado where a rousing game of 'Most Likely' ensued and Balls got 'most likely to fuck a mermaid.' WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GET SOME.
June 14th - Curse Word of the Day: Mother wipe
Definition: Rose Dawson
Stuff we did: Went on the Ferry to Alcatraz!!! Spending most of the day at a prison was wonderful. We did the idiot proof audio tour and tried not to get in the way of the crazy foreign tourists wandering the jail cells and trying to take peace sign pictures in the open cells. We spent most of the afternoon making plans about dinner (duh) and decided fajitas were the best most delishious option. It was done. Too many cooks in the kitchen. Food....too much. uncomfortable tummies. Tums in the car 17 floors underneath us. fail.
June 15th - Curse Word of the Day: Fuck Stain
Definition: AuBrey Arnold and Ali Cano
Stuff we did: Wandered around downtown again and Chinatown where we got delish chinese food for lunch. Balls got an amazing 2 dollah! tshirt and we all played with those weird hand massage balls that jingle....we decided the larger size balls are better than the smaller ones. Then we went to the MOMA (Museum of Modern Art) and looked at things that are apparently considered art and also may have actually been created by Balls in preschool. Good thing we got the student discount. [No but really it was cool, I [Balls] just have a problem with modern art and I'm not trying to diss it for anyone that cares] [But really I am tryna diss it.]
It was decided we needed to watch Twilight since Balls and Clarissa had not seen it or know anything about it and Jess and Poch wanted to jizz their pants over Edward Cullen. So we did. However drinking took place before, during, and after to make it more....better....and amusing. Poch and Jess jizzed, Clarissa and Balls....no summary available. Too drunk.
Clarissa came up with the fabulous idea of vampire popsicles. It involves an object similar to the shape of popsicles....and blood....and clarissa's dirty dirty dirty nasty ewww just stop trying to think of what this term might actually mean I am sorry i even mentioned it.
June 16th - Curse Word of the Day: Jizz Rocket
Definition: Edward Cullen in that kissing scene in the bedroom...he should probably not jizz so much it propels him across the room into a door frame.
Stuff we did: Drove Poch to the Airport at 5:30 AM because she had to go home to Virginia due to knee complications. LAME. But it's okay. We failed at going to Yosemite for the day cause we decided sleeping and cleaning and errands and watching Titanic was a better choice. DEFinitely the better choice. Jess had not seen Titanic. Fail. Not anymore. She did not cry though and that disappointed...mostly Balls. Punched. Hodges and company are here for the night on their epic road trip. Imagine that. Three girls and three boys all adventuring america in their youth. GOOD ON THEM IF THEY ARE.
Tomorrow morning we leave Casa Delgado for good and venture to Death Valley, CA for the night/day to test our wits at the 114 degree heat....not even a joke. Look at weather.com. Then we are meeting Kate in VEGAS on Thursday to spend an epic night there and then we head to the Grand Canyon and Southern Utah national parks!! WOOOO!
heading east babyyyyy,
balls jess clarclar and charley
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